Koreen's Quest for 'Self'

This is the story of one person's amazing passage through all four self-initiations, claiming the discoveries, insights, perceptions shifts and evolution at each stage of the magical, mystical journey. Prepare to be amazed!

The Passage Way Back to Me

While I wasn't aware of it in the moment, the clarity of it now is simply awe inspiring. I came to realize that through WEL-Systems, I would find myself. As I discovered and wrote of in Catalyst… "there comes that moment where trust in the MOMENTUM of your highest intention is what gets you there. That moment is now!" As I moved through the four levels of Portals Passages Certifications, I re-ignited my own Fire. It was a release filled with trepidation, a moment of suspension and then gripping the awaiting trapeze, I engaged.

The coming thoughts reflect the passage way back to 'me' as I entered into the WEL-Systems, Portals Passage Certification Programs. At each level I chose to know, to live and to be at the deepest level of tissue that is me. While each of the Program Certifications increased my ability to engage effectively with others in their journey of self-discovery, it was clear to me that before any of that could take place, I had to find myself first. "You can't give what you haven't got" became so very telling for me as I ventured through the Program Levels.

Igniting the Self (ITS) - The Awakening

The environment created for the Program experience invited me to engage 'self' and others in a way that compelled me to explore that which had long been put aside and forgotten. The choice was now mine to reclaim and re-ignite that flame that I knew existed and beckoned. Dying embers awaiting a breath of life - a breath that only I could give myself permission to inhale and release to feed my soul.

So I sought, and became courageous in the room, and realized in the very initial opening days, that life could no longer be about language alone as we were so much more. Language is what we use to externally express ourselves and that so much more is going on internally before the language is formulated and spoken by us, the living system as I have fondly come to know us to be… and it is, that we must begin to pay attention to the body. It has so much to impart, and does so willingly, and unseen, we dismiss it. It became time, "to wake up". Igniting the Self was the venue for that to occur to the degree that I was willing to engage… and like the plane awaiting take off, full throttle was I.

The program facilitators in their gentle, genuine, knowing, created massive space for the unfolding to occur, no judgments, no opinions, no humiliation, just plenty of beautiful space to begin the finding.

Prior to Igniting the Self, my life was quite likely very much like your own. Using logic and reason and the intellect to determine my path, I would frequently check outside myself - defer to other people and rules and expectations - to determine how to live my life. And then, quite suddenly and without warning, magic occurred for me… and within one process and a brief 30 minute time frame, I chose to take back my life!

A dis-ease that had for years plagued, bothered, inconvenienced and shamed me, simply had no more ways in which to serve me. Without the need for logic and the intellect, and without the need to talk about it and explore it and tell the story about it; and based solely in the energetic wave of information that moved through my body at phenomenal speed, a profound and significant reclaiming occurred. The message, or intelligence, that the dis-ease carried was finally given the space required to move through me and in that moment, I discovered myself to be so much more than my intellect! With the dis-ease's original intention realized or 'metabolized' by the exceptional organic bioprocessor that I am, I could now make room for a new and more resourceful response. In that moment, the dis-ease disappeared and to this day is simply non existent. I call that the First Wave.

I concluded Igniting the Self with a sense that my decision to continue this journey through these portals and passages and the four levels of certification was made completely out of my conscious awareness. For once in my life, I chose to hear and listen to my intuition. I had no idea where it would lead me… and I knew that I would not be disappointed!

Resourcefulness In Action (RIA) - Staying in the tough conversations

Having completed ITS and finished the required material for the next step in this journey of accelerated evolution, I still could not know the degree to which my edges would be pressed and the 'bumping up against myself' that would occur. These insightful people at the WEL-Systems Institute knew that more would be required to continue to press for discovery in that journey back to me.

RIA was a moment that lasted nine very compelling days. Each day, I was reminded that the program and the people in it unfold exactly as they should; that there are no accidents and that each moment of fear is the one in which I choose to move forward in the living of my life or allow myself to slide back into what's familiar yet somehow, without life. Each day invited me to move further and deeper into trusting this even though I had not yet learned to trust it with my own fears. Each of us became the invitation to the other to trust, to engage, to experience, to become… and then to do it all again. Just like life, there was no stopping it.

With the patience of the finest of facilitators in Louise LeBrun and Gwen McCauley - both of whom stayed present until each of us was complete for the day - I discovered that I could no longer use language to hide from myself and the tough conversations. I liken it to a re-acquainting with language and engaging it in a resourceful way while your edges are undeniably being pressed. Offering extensive opportunities to work with and alongside each other, RIA not only invited but pressed for our individual evolutionary paths. Although each path was as different as the person on it, there was always more than enough space in the room to accommodate the growth and expansion that would result.

It was here that I met, for the first time, the vibrational me - the me that I did not recognize and had feared in ITS. That first experience of my own internal and 'self' energy was most certainly in ITS and even with life-altering events occurring out of that experience, where I got to claim the fear of it was in RIA. And claim it I did - and own it! From that experience was born the poem I Am the Source - The Source is Me. No fears and no longer mistaking the energy that is 'me'. I call that the Second Wave.

To attempt to describe it beyond the words above and those found in the poem, "I Am The Source", is simply not achievable. It is the most profoundly personal experience of my lifetime. As unique as mine is for me, an experience of this magnitude awaits you when you decide to choose to engage with yourself and your life. The 'seen' and 'real' matter we are considered to be is nothing compared to the unseen and energy that we already are and are much more capable of becoming!

So, as frightening as it was initially, I stayed in the tough conversations - and nobody got hurt. Beyond discovering the vibrational me, one of the other very significant moments occurred when through the patience of Louise, and the insightfulness of the other participants, I got to come into my own my way and in my own time, in a process unique to me and conducive to my own evolution. And everyone else did the same thing! Their way and in their own time. This is a magical, mystical tour of the world each of us creates around ourselves, and it is with WEL-Systems that all of this could be going on, and yet each of us is coming into our own, on our own, with the creation of the moments being each our own. Oh, the power of us all!

Throughout RIA, the space that each of us claimed for ourselves and created for each other became the platform for me to declare, out loud, the healing that occurred for me in ITS, without reservation and knowing full well that in that moment of sharing, my intellect was speaking aloud what my body - my 'self' - had processed, claimed and now owned as a profound learning time in my life. The learning was complete, I owned it and therefore the dis-ease became mine to release. After seventeen years of silence, I had found words to free myself from my own limitations.

I would come to learn in the next two programs that there was much more to claim and to own. In this moment however, I knew that learning could not have been without the re-claiming that had occurred in ITS. Of this, I am certain.

Influencing With Intention (IWI) - The ability to stand alone

This is where for me, with the discoveries from ITS and RIA still very fresh, I became a knower of the power of my mind-body. My intellect, while it has a role to play, became for me the 'speaker' of the messages that my body carries and the truth that it offers up for my acceleration of consciousness. My intellect speaks what my body has to say.

Having come to that realization, I began to observe this notion of staying in the tough conversations while at the same time, following my own impulse and ultimately speaking my truth. Following my own impulse and ultimately speaking my truth, is seemingly a simple enough process. Yet, it's one thing to know you have that choice and quite another to actually choose it, out loud where others can now 'hear' your thoughts, once the body has shared with you internally your impulse and your truth. It is in the moment of living - moment to moment - and telling the truth of your experience… that is where standing alone unfolds.

A very effortless, yet telling example of this as you read is to take a moment and ask yourself now, how many times in your daily exchanges with others have you found yourself saying, "yes", when you really meant, "no". In other words, with all kinds of bells and whistles going off in your body saying "whoa, you don't really want to do/be this", you engage in it anyway. This is "biography becoming biology" (Carolyn Myss, Anatomy of the Spirit). You may not associate that stabbing pain in your chest with the overt act of going against the body but I tell you, there is a correlation. It is speaking loud and clear… are you listening?

So with IWI, the self that I had come back to, up to that point, engaged with the other selves, who were also coming into their "selves". At about day three or four, after having experienced the program conversation on Meta Programs and specifically the filters of Safe/Dangerous whereby all of our mind-body processing passes through this filter first, I experienced what I would call my very significant and telling Third Wave.

In this moment where I believed my intellect to be focused, attentive and comprehending the words of the facilitator, in that moment - in one fell swoop! - I experienced an activity in my body that literally had me feel what I would describe as an overwhelming gust of wind lifting me off my feet. Though in this moment, imagine that occurring inside your body! That was me in that moment, and with that wave of energy speaking loudly and truthfully to me, I spoke out loud, with my voice and with language, releasing from my vocal chords were words that startled me. They were my truth in that moment and in all of my moments before and the words were this, "it was no longer safe for me to speak". That was all about the 'knowing' and certainty in my body and yet having learned that it was not safe to share that truth out loud. I had created, and intelligently so, a world outside of me that did not allow for error, or possibly being wrong. Silence again.

The moments that followed were like no other I had ever been given permission to have. I know the second chakra to hold Family Systems, and it is where we find the element of water, water being the healing element. Interesting then isn't it that in my family system, I was to be seen and not heard… and the tears of me gushed from my eyes in those moments. We know voice/sound to be Choice, and we know without breath there is no space - no room - for sound. So in those moments where permission was not required, I fell helplessly and willingly into me… at the very core of powerlessness that I felt about all that I knew, I knew. In the program room, it became an ocean of tears that fell about my feet and around me. And sounds I had not heard myself make came from within me with a force that, without the breathing, I could not have made...creating space. When the processing was complete, I realized the space that was created allowed what I came to know as the 'wind' of me to move about my internal self, the healing element of water… and ultimately the ocean at my feet, the beautiful waves of water, which fell as tears were now mine to dive into and play, and again magic occurred. Another step back into me… and another beautiful element of me returned, and I moved even closer to being authentically my Self.

It became clear that breathing, following the impulse and allowing myself to know the truth of my experience was essential to any and all evolution. In language, outside of the experience I describe above, it is breathing that created the space, following the impulse for me became about sensing the wave and letting it give the message, and then out loud or to my self, be true to the message. The body does not lie. Pay attention to and live out the message, as I did as it presented itself to me in my body, absent of my intellect that runs on many filters and external referencing.

I can say, unequivocally, that had I allowed my intellect to have its way in the moments leading up to my Third Wave, I would not have experienced the freeing of my previously muted voice.

Catalyst for Change - Shape or Be Shaped by the World

This was the fourth level of program/certification. It was being held in the same room as the previous two and though the room had not manifested its physical size to be larger, there seemed to be a larger physical area that would ultimately allow for the expansion of all the participants. So then, I would suggest a manifestation had occurred, at least on my holodeck, in my universe. The space of the room, from moment to moment, created an environment for further discovery, expansion and evolution. The truth about my ability and commitment to shape or be shaped by the world would surely come into my awareness here… and I would leave the program room after twelve days certain of it. The program participants were small in number, however huge with intention. It was compelling to be in a room filled with the energy of intention and its manifestation.

Still, what was so amazing was that I came to discover the strangle-hold of the Androgynous Baby™ (culturally conditioned self). Even after all of those waves of change and choice, had I let it, it could have "stopped me dead in my tracks". This I came to know as the "presence of the absence of my core value". Think about that for a moment. It is not just that my core value is absent, it is that something else has taken its place. It is not 'empty' space but 'something' that holds the potential for other than what I mindfully desire. This is such a prolific perspective to take on something that I would have otherwise framed as an impassable obstacle. It was as simple as coming to know what I would identify as my core value such that without it, life would not be worth living.

My core value would be 'expansion'. And though I can't hold expansion in the palm of my hand and conduct a show and tell for you, this much I can say for sure: without it, that which is present when it is not has, "stopped me dead in my tracks". It took on the unmistakable representation of constriction/confinement. I was perpetuating it in my life and where confinement was, so was the square room, even though I could've physically been in a field of daisies, breathing the fresh air. Much like the Androgynous Baby™, never underestimate the power of, the presence of the absence of your core value. Know for sure whether intelligent or not in the moment, we are creating its presence, most likely in the form of an habituated response. You know how that works - the engaging of a behavior or response that is not resourceful for us, yet we do it because it is familiar and gets us to the other side of the moment we don't want to be in. Know for sure the next moment that follows, is the opportunity to change your mind.

It is incredibly powerful to come to know, with your body, that which is your core value and what is present when it isn't. It has become for me an internal gauge whereby I can easily now notice when I am breathing, following my impulse, and knowing my own truth - and when I'm not. The moments one lives thereafter are difficult to be anything but authentic. This Authentic Self came as a result of change at the level of body tissue where, except for what I use here to share this with you, the intellect and language play no role.

While I have spoken to specific waves in each program level, before I speak to the one in Catalyst, it important for me to share with you that waves occurred in me each moment I was present in the program room, and always thereafter. So the specific waves I speak of here are those that occurred as a result of the gentler tides rolling in and out with each moment… rather than the twenty and thirty foot waves of energy presented.

In Catalyst a significant wave of great heights presented… and I call it the Fourth Wave. With that wave it all came together for me and interestingly, while it was this one that encapsulated literally the vision of me as I came to realize my highest intention (which one must hold if shaping their world is to occur), it was such a gentle process that quantum leaps of energy and valuable information processed literally in seconds within my body. With the generosity of those in the room and the facilitators, a gentle reminder to breathe allowed me to open and relax into the wave as it moved. Nothing to fear, nothing to fight against - just Life seeking its own expression through the tissue of my being. In that moment it was perfectly clear that shaping the world in which I lived was indeed possible, and that there was simply no other way to live in this lifetime.

The concept of living on the Cause or Effect Side of life was very profound for me during Catalyst. In this moment of writing, I feel compelled to write that as a young child, I recall myself being creative, humorous, excited by nature and an enthusiastic, vibrant living system. Through this process of growing in a society perpetuated by the unrelenting cultural conditioning of mediocrity, all of this and more of me was silenced. Though my screams could not be heard, they were nonetheless expressed each and every day… in un-resourceful and dying ways. This was life lived on the effect side.

As an adult, and choosing to stand on the Cause side of the equation, I now know that what was is not what has to be. With WEL-Systems and my intuitive sense that there was so much more of me, in that program room, the creative me was birthed again for the second time in my life. With that new birthing, I have come to acknowledge and reclaim an offering I possess, to be shared with other living systems, and an offering that had been silenced with my childhood. It has resurfaced and once again, has found its voice. It plays continuously, joyfully and effortlessly! I embrace it now and it is, to know my Self and my intention to be "The Awakening Wave".

By virtue of us living and being on this plane, there is an awakening for all of us to experience, and that while it is only you who can choose to invite that into your life, with the energy that is me, I am a "facilitator of finding", for the awakening that too awaits you.

Conclusion

In closing I will share with you a conversation I had with another about my own awakening. It is a certainty that I got my life back.

The other said, "what if people don't need to get their life back". With that I asked one question, "How many times have you said yes, when you meant no?" And with a smile, a sigh and her head lowering towards the bowl from which she feasted, our conversation about getting one's life back continued. You too, can get your life back. The WEL-Systems Concepts can guide you to it. You will certainly know when you are there… and then there is so much more!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With all of my physical spaces manifested round, I am The Awakening Wave. This as a direct result of finally allowing the waves of information to process after forty very long and arduous years. One doesn't have to wait that long. One doesn't have to wait at all. The industrial age is concluding and the age of spirituality and internal energy is at hand.

I am back home. Thank you for this opportunity for sharing.

Koreen K., Ottawa, Ontario