Waking Up Graham

I found Igniting the Self to be a truly life-altering experience in a caring and safe environment among others who are willing to share themselves and their experiences also. It was an opportunity to devote time to myself in order to fully experience how my own body reacts to situations I face, then to have some models to use to explore why I feel the way I do and how I might begin to behave differently. This experience has woken me up. It has woken my sense of wonder at the awesome power of the human body. It has woken my curiosity to the possibilities that there are other ways of being in the world than what I was brought up to believe. It has woken in me a need to keep exploring both in terms of how my body sends me signals and how I respond to those signals.

If I was to choose one thing that was most significant for me about Igniting the Self, it was the opportunity to learn how to "go inside" my body and be able to sense things I was unaware of before. For me, this appears to be the key to my being able to detect the ‘warning signs’ of when there is a conflict somewhere within. What I once ignored as just an irritation now fascinates me. For me, it holds the key to being able to break the bonds of the limiting behaviours, values and attitudes contained within my Androgynous Baby.

Immediately after the program I found myself seeing and hearing the world around me differently. I was able to pick out language patterns and ask questions that I would not have thought of before. I also found myself paying more attention to my body and using what I learned to work through to a successful conclusion, things which would have previously caused me profound stress. My energy level has gone up, I feel different in my body and I act with more confidence than before.

For example, I had a wonderful experience last Friday with a guy I work with. Early the previous week he told me that my boss "had high expectations" of me and this comment caused some anxiety in me. This guy told me on Friday morning that he was expecting a complex project plan from me by lunchtime. I remembered Louise's discussion about filters (especially B/V/A) and how they can turn a resounding "NO!" into a squeaky "ok". My body cried out "NO!", but I could feel the tension building inside as my Culturally Conditioned Self started to drive things.

I decided to take a short walk to clear my mind and calm myself. When I got back I decided to go to see this guy. I sat down in his office and said "I would like to discuss this nominalization called ‘PLAN’ - what exactly does it mean for you?" He turned around with a smile and said "Good Question. I'm not sure I know myself!" As we sat together at his table to go through what I had so far, I distracted him by commenting on a photo on his shelf. It was his wife in a graduation photo from 5 years ago having graduated with a MA in Social Work. We talked about that for 5 minutes and by the time we were ready to work we were in pretty good rapport. I saw the guy later that day and he said "by the way, I spoke to your boss and told him where we were with the plan and he said that would be fine - Monday or Tuesday will be good!"

It's been a long time since I felt that resourceful. It was also so good to recognize the ‘symptoms’ in my body and be able to take some action rather than do what I used to do. Things have definitely changed - more correctly - I've Changed and I ain't going back!

Graham W., Ottawa, Ontario