Allister's Altered Perceptions

Extraordinary. While I experienced profound change during Igniting, Resourcefulness and Influencing, none of these experiences came close to the depth of discovery, exploration and growth that Catalyst offered me.

The past, which has always held a strong sway over me, no longer seems as powerful as it once was. I have noticed that things that, in the past, were important to me (such as the study of military history) have seemed to fade. As well, my attachment to things that are no longer important also seems to be subsiding - over the last few weeks I have given away more than 300 books from my collection that I just don't need anymore. In fact, my need to continue reading to attain knowledge (enlightenment?) has also seemed to fade. While I will continue to explore my reality through the written word, I know the true discovery is within me. By allowing my body to get rid of (spew is the word that best describes it) much of the past on the first Tuesday night of the program I have discovered wide openings and space in my life for dreaming, planning and action.

I have also developed greater clarity about my future and what is important to me. I continue to explore what my highest intention is and by concentrating on the sixth and seventh levels, much of what I want to do in life has fallen into place. I possess a very real vision of the exact things that I want to accomplish. The clarity I describe around all of these activities, experiences, travels can all be connected to the work done during Catalyst.

I know I can never return back to the way things were. That my life has been changed. My perceptions have been altered. The past has lost its grip, the future awaits, and it all happens in the present. I also know that I don't back down from expressing these core beliefs anymore and am quite comfortable talking to anyone about them. Yes, it often causes discomfort (not on my part, but in the other person) but then I know that that is a good thing.

Certainly the major movement of energy, on the last Friday morning as the open forum I was facilitating was ending, was extremely significant to me. What I tell myself about it now was that it was me confronting my sadness and despair in not being able to identify, to my satisfaction, what my highest intention was. Afterwards and with much reflection I have come to realize that I can live with the notion of not being exactly sure of what my highest intention is, because that provides the opening for further reflection, further discovery of who I am becoming.

The potential of the manifestation spiral will engage me for a while. I see much value in using it for facilitation and planning in a workgroup environment as well as accomplishing the tasks I have set for myself on the environment/behaviour levels (I have recently realized that my business plan is being written using a manifestation spiral). The structure of reality model (especially the way I draw it) continues to excite me as I see it hold so much potential for teaching, outreach, and learning. The values elicitation is also a very powerful tool and I have already used this with a client.

Over the last few days I have been very melancholic, sad, somewhat to the point of despair about my situation. I wonder if continuing in this present work position is right? I wonder if I should choose to leave? I worry about not having much to do during the day that is job-related?

What pulls me away from these feelings is orienting my thoughts, feelings, and body on the sixth and seventh levels. For example, working through this feedback and putting some basic thoughts to paper, continues my exploration of my sixth and seventh levels. It has calmed me, dissipated those non-useful thoughts and feelings.

The words I've written above seem fairly superficial to me in describing the experience of Catalyst. As always, the experience (and at this point, my remembered picture of what the experience was) and its lingering bodily effects and intelligence are the true touchstone. I suspect the superficiality is also a recognition that there is more digging to do. One of the nice things about this journey is there's always another layer to peel off, another hill to climb and valley to discover, another stream to cross or ocean to flow upon.

Allister H., Ottawa, Ontario